Friday, April 11, 2014


There's nothing like that "I'm on my way" text. When you're feeling beat up from an workout.
My aid.
My lover.
My Masseuse.

Sometimes I reflect on people I've dated. I use to wonder "What if" a lot. I was a runaway girlfriend for awhile. The minute it got too close, I'd panic an cut them off. Deflect, or say no. I would wonder if I was ruining my future, by blowing off some worthy mates. Setting myself up for karma, the day I would finally be ready. Or flat-out just insane.

Every woman I saw, needed to be validated through a "relationship". Nothing solidified "worthy" like a counterpart. An when I look at the 25yr old me, it's like Whew. I'm so happy I didn't just ride a wave for stability. I was a baby then. Why the hell are so many women dying to commit to forever, when they're unsure of their today's? I would've been married with children and seemingly happy. While drowning in complacent insecurities. Trying to BE for someone else. Learn yourself first.

Everyone loves to latch on to the idea of love, instead of the idea of self. Love can only thrive in love. Not doubt or fear. If you're not secure with yourself can't build something worth sustaining, with anybody. It's nearly impossible. I hate when I see loose, needy women, conforming to any and all ideals of our new world. Like puppets. Let me talk about dick, so he can want to know me. Let me obsess and talk about my ass all day, so he wants to f***. Then he tells you what you want to hear, for a month. You're smitten, fucked and still lonely in two months. I've seen that happen like a revolving door for some.

Or the "Ereka!" blend. That "Ah-ha" Draya moment, where they're like "Oh, I wear panties now" so I'm a lady. How's a man going to love you, when you don't even know yourself? Last week it was a selfie a day, for each body part. Now it's you in front of a stove. You never cooked before last week? Who are you? What do you like to do? By YOURSELF? What are you willing to pay for, that doesn't constitute a man's aid. He shouldn't pay for your happiness. How do you as a woman not know who you are or how to carry yourself without a man? A man shouldn't make you want to cook. What? You was never hungry? I don't get it. He shouldn't tell you how to be a lady. You're a damn woman. Where was your desire before? You can't seek your whole life to be lead. That's flawed, isn't it?

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