FERGUSON

In case you've been living under a rock. Missouri, St. Louis (POLICE); have been murdering and citing riots in their little town. An being that the town is two-third's black ..America seems to be unbothered. A UNARMED 18yr old black boy, was shot six times in broad daylight by an officer. Who is currently on paid leave. Must be nice to be a white murder in America. Land of the free and home of the Slave.

Don't Deny Thy Husband

I don't know if Tori Spelling's wedding scandal has come across your screen ..but it's laughable.
Cheating in unacceptable on all fronts. I understand, but be honest with yourself. Some women push men into cheating. Being that they're too weak to leave. Sex, once every two weeks? REALLY? ..and neither one of you are 50? Someone's full of complete shit here.

We choose our mates. This isn't the olden ages where we're forced into marriage, or sold. You chose him. Now you don't want to touch him. Sparing 45 minutes is too much. These are the same people that will stick to diets they hate. Same people that will FIND TIME for the gym. But got forbid you could spare a little time to please your spouse? That's the inconvenience? Sex feels good for both parties, mind you. People dedicated all this time to other things constantly. Just for to appear the way they want. But asking to do something you should want to do for someone you love?

I don't feel sorry for you. You're full of shit and you know it. If you're too busy for fulfill your spouse? ..you better be too busy for everything. I mean it. Better not do a squat or count your calories. You're selfish. Sex isn't a four long hours. You can buss it out and get it out the way. You just chose not to. Which is fine. Just don't be mad when someone else chosen to fulfill them.

Ereka

There's nothing like that "I'm on my way" text. When you're feeling beat up from an workout.
My aid.
My lover.
My Masseuse.

Sometimes I reflect on people I've dated. I use to wonder "What if" a lot. I was a runaway girlfriend for awhile. The minute it got too close, I'd panic an cut them off. Deflect, or say no. I would wonder if I was ruining my future, by blowing off some worthy mates. Setting myself up for karma, the day I would finally be ready. Or flat-out just insane.

Every woman I saw, needed to be validated through a "relationship". Nothing solidified "worthy" like a counterpart. An when I look at the 25yr old me, it's like Whew. I'm so happy I didn't just ride a wave for stability. I was a baby then. Why the hell are so many women dying to commit to forever, when they're unsure of their today's? I would've been married with children and seemingly happy. While drowning in complacent insecurities. Trying to BE for someone else. Learn yourself first.

Everyone loves to latch on to the idea of love, instead of the idea of self. Love can only thrive in love. Not doubt or fear. If you're not secure with yourself ..you can't build something worth sustaining, with anybody. It's nearly impossible. I hate when I see loose, needy women, conforming to any and all ideals of our new world. Like puppets. Let me talk about dick, so he can want to know me. Let me obsess and talk about my ass all day, so he wants to f***. Then he tells you what you want to hear, for a month. You're smitten, fucked and still lonely in two months. I've seen that happen like a revolving door for some.

Or the "Ereka!" blend. That "Ah-ha" Draya moment, where they're like "Oh, I wear panties now" so I'm a lady. How's a man going to love you, when you don't even know yourself? Last week it was a selfie a day, for each body part. Now it's you in front of a stove. You never cooked before last week? Who are you? What do you like to do? By YOURSELF? What are you willing to pay for, that doesn't constitute a man's aid. He shouldn't pay for your happiness. How do you as a woman not know who you are or how to carry yourself without a man? A man shouldn't make you want to cook. What? You was never hungry? I don't get it. He shouldn't tell you how to be a lady. You're a damn woman. Where was your desire before? You can't seek your whole life to be lead. That's flawed, isn't it?

I Woke Up

Woke up and exercised this morning. All week actually. I'll get over the hump and love this one day ..but until then.

I woke up and exercised this morning.

Blasting Kanye's "I Wonder" because it never gets old. It's always the right time.

Seven o'clock, that's prime time
Heaven'll watch, God callin' from the hotlines
Why He keep givin' me hotlines?
I'm a star, how could I not shine?

How many ladies in the house?
How many ladies in the house without a spouse?
Somethin' in your blouse got me feelin' so aroused

What you about on that independent shit
Trade it all for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really mean
You wonder if you'll ever find your dreams

Little Joys

So it's Monday, on this second week in April. My smile's flourishing.

It's been a long weekend full of my favorites. I decided to hit up my favorite park Saturday morning. It's becoming more popular amongst the locals. The old me would find some annoyance in that but it's a bit sweet. Sharing what you love w/ those who love it, is love. After, I decided to see my godson an bestie. My godson's so well mannered and handsome. He's ADORABLE.

In the process, I ended up being finagled into going to Baltimore. Had to go see my boo Christina. Come to find out, someone lives right across from the Oriole's stadium. Soo much fun will be had this summer. Ridiculous. In the middle of our vices we decide to watch Grey's Anatomy. The first three episodes of the first three season's. Which I've never seen. Complete best idea EVER. So many epic moments caught in all three episodes. Which in turn became the foundation of the series and where it is today. It was everything. Some nights-in with your girls, can be better than any night out.

Sunday, was a race around the city. I just wanted a mimosa. He wanted a half smoke. The struggle began. We hit up three spots before the compromise.

I also sought out the original recording of  "Can't Help Falling in Love"  Which oddly enough was by Elvis Presley. I was honestly shocked. Wouldn't of pegged him for it. So as of  April 4th, 2014 I have Elvis in the rotation. I want the vinyl. I got plans for it.

March Madness

UGH.

March Madness has come to an end. Which for me means, two plays and three concerts w/ my love. The 20th anniversary of Illmatic, was as nice way to finish the series. Nas is so handsome. My dude knew track for track. We had the best time.

I also saw two movies I was dying to see Sunday.

 

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

&

The Grand Budapest Hotel

 

I was geeked. "The Perks.." was everything I expected and more. I was completely thrown by the ending. In a good way. Not that being completely enamored with Emma Watson, helped any. I loved the fragility of everything. The yearn to feel "infinite".

 

The Grand Budapest Hotel was flat out awesome. I had visual orgasms. Beautiful homes and architecture, overfloweth. (Yea it's not a word) A ridiculous ensemble of who's who and did I forget Bill Murray? Oh, yea. I would suggest you see it at the landmark E st. Cinema, where you can enjoy a Makers mark w/ your popcorn.

 

All an all, we had an awesome weekend.  



All Smiles..

This morning I started my day, dancing to the Pointer Sister's "Jump for My Love".
Naked.
Fresh out the shower.
It was soo good I had to run it back.

So needless to say, I'm in the zone.
I've actually stuck to everything I've said I was going to do this year, and I feel amazing for it. Quality friendships.. Stronger. Relationship's dope. Family's actually all on the same page. Minds clearer than ever before and I'm grateful. Blessings keep falling.

Anything/one toxic, I will continue to remove. You don't really get how imperative that is. I haven't watched Basketball Wives or any show promoting excessive miserableness, this month. It's somewhat exhausting dedicating an hour or more to constant arguing/fighting, conniving behavior. Shows, people, energy.. Toodles. 

Muhammad Ali (Parkinson Show) Interview 1974

This first twenty minutes was so captivating. He was everything in his prime.



"It's up to the individuals, and you can't never see it. A man who truly does something from his heart, don't look for things. Nor does he look to see the results."



Muhammad Ali's poem "FRIENDSHIP"



Friendship is a priceless gift that cannot be bought nor sold
But its value is far greater than a mountain made of gold
For gold is cold and lifeless it can neither see nor hear
In time of trouble is powerless to cheer

It has no ears to listen no heart to understand 
It cannot bring you comfort or reach out a helping hand
And so when you ask god for gift be thankful if he send not diamond pearl or riches but the love of a real true friend 




"You can not find diamonds easy. You have to dig, dig and diggg.." -Ali

Monday

Blasting Ellie Goulding's remake, of Elton John's "Your Song"...

Subtle perfection.

Last night, we went to her show.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
Her voice is as feathery and delicate, live.

Had a great weekend. Did some spring cleansing. Bought some white sage and girl scout cookies. Feeling refreshed and lifted. On our way home last night, he just stood there and said "Look. It's soo peaceful out here" ..as soft marshmallow sized snowflakes, fell. DC did look beautiful last night. Looked like a December night actually. A December night, in March.

As I cleansed and reflected, I smiled. Smiled for all those who've come and gone, or I had to let go. Smiled at the times we've laughed. Memories we've made. No need to reflect on the negatives, or why they're gone. Cuz the moments we had worth sharing, were still worth it ..and that's all I'm sure of. You choose your friends like you choose your happiness. An all smiles are accounted for :)

ELLIE GOULDING - Your song

Today... Good Morning :)

Sip

First week of Lent has officially come to a close. I feel calm, clear spirited and refreshed. Just had an impromptu dinner with my love Sierra. Warm days in the city are built for this.

Laugh. Sip. Chew. Sip. Laugh. Sip.

Not to mention, I ran out for lunch. Instead of being lazy, I went to an exhibit up the street. I'm so ready for summer.

Playgrounds

I love new things. Seeing, breathing, living new things. It's a high for me. I just want to do it all. Yet, somehow I tend to treat DC like a little brother. I love NY and California. They're my playgrounds. The creative's, are so fluid there. I love it.

A million things to do besides the club. Which is all I live for. So, I'm a make conscious effort to explore DC. I work in the center of a million museums. It's time to capitalize. Appreciate my backyard.

Took the Time.

On the way home yesterday, I caught an amazing sunset. I really took the time to stand an appreciate it, given this relentless winter we're having. It was, just.. Nice. Cold, but beautiful. I didn't need much more than I was given.

I just felt good.

Woke up to two kisses on my nose this morning..

..an hrs later

I still feel good.

Watermarks

Smile.
It's a disservice to be unhappy. No inauthentic aura's allowed. Let your stillness spill in abundance.

Every one's consumed by diet. By everything they digest, drink, sip and pour, for outer results. Which is nice, but what feeds your soul?

Everything in your circumference leaves a watermark.. a stain. Picture you wearing some fresh ass white clothes on a sunny day. Fresh out the shower. When someone hands you some trash to disperse. Halfway there and you're splashed by some residue. Gross, huh? That's what negative energy feels like to me.

Things we watch, listen to and entertain. All leave watermarks. Stains. Just like everything you place in your body, affects your figure? Everything you allow in your daily circumference, feeds your soul. So many people have an "Oh, well the majority's doing it attitude"

..SO. THE. FUCK. WHAT.

Just about every urban lifestyle show is based around malicious intent and lack or non-existent use of monogamy. Like.. is THIS OUR CULTURE? This is what we're known for. I couldn't picture watching the Cosby show, and grabbing popcorn as Cliff shitted on Claire for Mrs. Judy (at the office). Nor is it one show. It's just about every urban shows, situational format.

Which leads to regurgitated social discussions on loyalty, misogyny, distrust and deception. Everyday. You log onto a site, formed on opinion.. if 80% is guided towards placing blame, projecting self worth, entitlements and superiority? What kind of subconscious watermark would it might leave?

Nothing I'm checking for..

Able

Day two of Lent

..and I'm spent. It's a pleasant kind of exhaustion, but surprising none the less. The more I've sought clarity. The more those I love appeared in need.  An I've extended myself, seamlessly. When at a time I'd most likely shop or plan another trip.. I was just there. And able. Being "Able" to give any peace of mind to anyone you love ..for far be it a moment,  is amazing. Just for the mere fact, I could've been that person. Yet I wasn't. I was able.

I'm able. I'm blessed for that.




Side note: I've lost interest in Scandal. Rhonda Rhimes has stepped it up in Grey's Anatomy. So I'm happy ..and in true Grey's form.. I'm grateful for

"My Person"

..and even more grateful to have "Person's"


"My Person"- bestfriend, confidant, mind-reader, complaint holder, Soul connected lifer

Conversations.. Just Different.

I love the space I'm in right now. I can't say it enough. It's really steamrolling me into the right direction. When I talk to my girls, it's about buying poverty, saving, investing. When I talk to my man, it's about ways to keep our communication fluid. If we're happy, we're solid. They motivate me. I want to do a million things all at once ..and I feel I can.

Watch me.

Why Soo Serious?

It's crazy, how quickly situations can flip. Here to today, "scram" tomorrow. It's weird watching people I once respected, become memories. It's more often so, indirect. Energy is everything. The whole air about someone, can effect their money. Without them even knowing it. Yet since "they don't care" ..indirectly "It don't matter".

Even if I have new ideas and trades, why would I want to work with you? If you resonate spiteful/immaturity? I rather blend with someone else. An harmonious environment is everything. Especially, with referrals. No one will recommend someone they don't care for. There's way too many people that can do what you do, with the least amount of lip.

Especially, unhappy people. Those who take pride in being obnoxious and petty. Your blessings get blocked too. There are no trophies for who can be "The Worst". You're losing. You've lost. Spending your day calculating your emotions, based on another? Is a wash. If you've never confronted the person at hand? You're annoyed with yourself. Distraught with yourself. Just out-right engaged with yourself. I've seen adults carry grudges with peers they've never had the courage to address.

How can you hold someone accountable for your thoughts and lack of emotional security? People create ideas of anger, everyday. They build off assumption, and start running. Before you know it, you're now held accountable for a slew of things you're un-bothered by. What's wrong with that? Everything. If you haven't held a conversations with someone within the last month? You should be at ease. You have no current circulation to form any matter in their life. Why would you assume elsewise? Unless you feel guilty about something. Which in that case, would be a personal problem.

Learn your demons. Especially, those you displace.

You're second guessing? Good.

One thing I've learned over the past year is..

*You're supposed to be anxious, nauseous and scared before something amazing happens.

There's really no way around it. We're grown. Get the hell over it. No one is gonna walk you through.. coach you through.. and tell you sh*t is going to be OK ..because, its not! Before something major happens, be prepared to f*** sh*t up. In your mind. Your life. Everything, is supposed to change. That's why ..within yourself, especially your gut, will not be at ease.

The shift is real.

You will miss and doubt everything you're use to. Over analyze  and wreck your brain. Kind of like a junkie, getting over the hump. But don't get caught up in that for too long. You know why? ..because most things you have to do, to get where you want.. ain't f**king fun. That's it and that's all.

You want to move? Do it. You will struggle, at first. You will be lonely, more times than expected. At first. No matter what you do. If there's a significant change? You will always have that doubt. AT FIRST.

Welcome to the club.

You won't please everyone. I know.. it will suck, but keep it moving. You have to put yourself first, to attain any peace of mind. As long as you're honest along the way, you'll be happy when all is said and done.

Tools ..how many of us have them?

There are a lot of tools you're handed in life, through association. Indirectly. Like I asked god for patience and understanding. He took that and handed me my boyfriend. Who without patience, I'd kill.

To step back and allow yourself to love another flawed human (that in no part, came from you) is a journey. You never "have" to do anything. Yet you choose, every time.

I'm fortunate to have an ensemble of men, I call my "friends". That I love and respect, to the utmost. We work each others nerves ..but the love is unyielding. I've always said you can't capitalize on every connection. Being greedy can ruin things. This attraction ..this love ..this energy, is beautiful. It is perfect as is. Like a simple black dress. It's classic and always in style. Some friendships are just that.

I don't know if it's the Capricorn in me, that's sharp with my emotions. It's just, I'm all about clarity. So if I can't place you.. you got to go. An even though someone's typically mad now. It's a disservice, to use up someone's time. Like why bs yourself?  Stop being a coward and be honest.

The idea of someone, can be so consuming within itself at times. That people ignore the obvious. Which can be more toxic than anything else. You're mad about things you shouldn't be ..expecting things you shouldn't. Not because you're not deserving, but because you've burdened. Your thoughts on what "could be" are doing laps on "what is". An like most highs ..love and infatuation are the highest over the counter drugs, on the market.

One thing a friend told me recently.. "Sometimes you gotta love MORE! When you're pissed? Offer up more understanding. Instead of some choice words" ..and I love it. Especially for the times I want to curse and say "F*k This!" ..a deep breath and a laugh, can do wonders.

It's kind of like the lottery. We're all just trying to win.