Took the Time.

On the way home yesterday, I caught an amazing sunset. I really took the time to stand an appreciate it, given this relentless winter we're having. It was, just.. Nice. Cold, but beautiful. I didn't need much more than I was given.

I just felt good.

Woke up to two kisses on my nose this morning..

..an hrs later

I still feel good.

Watermarks

Smile.
It's a disservice to be unhappy. No inauthentic aura's allowed. Let your stillness spill in abundance.

Every one's consumed by diet. By everything they digest, drink, sip and pour, for outer results. Which is nice, but what feeds your soul?

Everything in your circumference leaves a watermark.. a stain. Picture you wearing some fresh ass white clothes on a sunny day. Fresh out the shower. When someone hands you some trash to disperse. Halfway there and you're splashed by some residue. Gross, huh? That's what negative energy feels like to me.

Things we watch, listen to and entertain. All leave watermarks. Stains. Just like everything you place in your body, affects your figure? Everything you allow in your daily circumference, feeds your soul. So many people have an "Oh, well the majority's doing it attitude"

..SO. THE. FUCK. WHAT.

Just about every urban lifestyle show is based around malicious intent and lack or non-existent use of monogamy. Like.. is THIS OUR CULTURE? This is what we're known for. I couldn't picture watching the Cosby show, and grabbing popcorn as Cliff shitted on Claire for Mrs. Judy (at the office). Nor is it one show. It's just about every urban shows, situational format.

Which leads to regurgitated social discussions on loyalty, misogyny, distrust and deception. Everyday. You log onto a site, formed on opinion.. if 80% is guided towards placing blame, projecting self worth, entitlements and superiority? What kind of subconscious watermark would it might leave?

Nothing I'm checking for..

Able

Day two of Lent

..and I'm spent. It's a pleasant kind of exhaustion, but surprising none the less. The more I've sought clarity. The more those I love appeared in need.  An I've extended myself, seamlessly. When at a time I'd most likely shop or plan another trip.. I was just there. And able. Being "Able" to give any peace of mind to anyone you love ..for far be it a moment,  is amazing. Just for the mere fact, I could've been that person. Yet I wasn't. I was able.

I'm able. I'm blessed for that.




Side note: I've lost interest in Scandal. Rhonda Rhimes has stepped it up in Grey's Anatomy. So I'm happy ..and in true Grey's form.. I'm grateful for

"My Person"

..and even more grateful to have "Person's"


"My Person"- bestfriend, confidant, mind-reader, complaint holder, Soul connected lifer

Conversations.. Just Different.

I love the space I'm in right now. I can't say it enough. It's really steamrolling me into the right direction. When I talk to my girls, it's about buying poverty, saving, investing. When I talk to my man, it's about ways to keep our communication fluid. If we're happy, we're solid. They motivate me. I want to do a million things all at once ..and I feel I can.

Watch me.

Why Soo Serious?

It's crazy, how quickly situations can flip. Here to today, "scram" tomorrow. It's weird watching people I once respected, become memories. It's more often so, indirect. Energy is everything. The whole air about someone, can effect their money. Without them even knowing it. Yet since "they don't care" ..indirectly "It don't matter".

Even if I have new ideas and trades, why would I want to work with you? If you resonate spiteful/immaturity? I rather blend with someone else. An harmonious environment is everything. Especially, with referrals. No one will recommend someone they don't care for. There's way too many people that can do what you do, with the least amount of lip.

Especially, unhappy people. Those who take pride in being obnoxious and petty. Your blessings get blocked too. There are no trophies for who can be "The Worst". You're losing. You've lost. Spending your day calculating your emotions, based on another? Is a wash. If you've never confronted the person at hand? You're annoyed with yourself. Distraught with yourself. Just out-right engaged with yourself. I've seen adults carry grudges with peers they've never had the courage to address.

How can you hold someone accountable for your thoughts and lack of emotional security? People create ideas of anger, everyday. They build off assumption, and start running. Before you know it, you're now held accountable for a slew of things you're un-bothered by. What's wrong with that? Everything. If you haven't held a conversations with someone within the last month? You should be at ease. You have no current circulation to form any matter in their life. Why would you assume elsewise? Unless you feel guilty about something. Which in that case, would be a personal problem.

Learn your demons. Especially, those you displace.

You're second guessing? Good.

One thing I've learned over the past year is..

*You're supposed to be anxious, nauseous and scared before something amazing happens.

There's really no way around it. We're grown. Get the hell over it. No one is gonna walk you through.. coach you through.. and tell you sh*t is going to be OK ..because, its not! Before something major happens, be prepared to f*** sh*t up. In your mind. Your life. Everything, is supposed to change. That's why ..within yourself, especially your gut, will not be at ease.

The shift is real.

You will miss and doubt everything you're use to. Over analyze  and wreck your brain. Kind of like a junkie, getting over the hump. But don't get caught up in that for too long. You know why? ..because most things you have to do, to get where you want.. ain't f**king fun. That's it and that's all.

You want to move? Do it. You will struggle, at first. You will be lonely, more times than expected. At first. No matter what you do. If there's a significant change? You will always have that doubt. AT FIRST.

Welcome to the club.

You won't please everyone. I know.. it will suck, but keep it moving. You have to put yourself first, to attain any peace of mind. As long as you're honest along the way, you'll be happy when all is said and done.

Tools ..how many of us have them?

There are a lot of tools you're handed in life, through association. Indirectly. Like I asked god for patience and understanding. He took that and handed me my boyfriend. Who without patience, I'd kill.

To step back and allow yourself to love another flawed human (that in no part, came from you) is a journey. You never "have" to do anything. Yet you choose, every time.

I'm fortunate to have an ensemble of men, I call my "friends". That I love and respect, to the utmost. We work each others nerves ..but the love is unyielding. I've always said you can't capitalize on every connection. Being greedy can ruin things. This attraction ..this love ..this energy, is beautiful. It is perfect as is. Like a simple black dress. It's classic and always in style. Some friendships are just that.

I don't know if it's the Capricorn in me, that's sharp with my emotions. It's just, I'm all about clarity. So if I can't place you.. you got to go. An even though someone's typically mad now. It's a disservice, to use up someone's time. Like why bs yourself?  Stop being a coward and be honest.

The idea of someone, can be so consuming within itself at times. That people ignore the obvious. Which can be more toxic than anything else. You're mad about things you shouldn't be ..expecting things you shouldn't. Not because you're not deserving, but because you've burdened. Your thoughts on what "could be" are doing laps on "what is". An like most highs ..love and infatuation are the highest over the counter drugs, on the market.

One thing a friend told me recently.. "Sometimes you gotta love MORE! When you're pissed? Offer up more understanding. Instead of some choice words" ..and I love it. Especially for the times I want to curse and say "F*k This!" ..a deep breath and a laugh, can do wonders.

It's kind of like the lottery. We're all just trying to win.

This post was written in 2010..... Left in the drafts

Sometimes I wanna scream
soo frustrated with life it seems
I don't understand or grasps
your concept of things

I'm just a girl in a world
with not much to believe in
it's hard to put faith in love
So deceiving

What should I fold
or decide to believe in
If I can't trust what I'm told
Or believe what I'm seeing

Everything you do
Is done for a reason
Far be it that it's seen
by my eyes for some reason

People do what's done particularly for a reason,
Far be it that I see
(it held purpose within a season)
It must be for a reason

I know I dare not judge
but somethings I don't respect.
So I just step right aside
before your emotions are subject

Is It STILL About Color?

The other day, this film was brought to my attention by an old classmate. Ten minutes in, I was already over it. It's soo weird watching somethings. It's as if, I live in an other America. I swear. Yet the one thing I picked up, throughout my ten minutes were..

"Hurt people, HURT PEOPLE"

What mother would really pass that on to their child? "Lawd, thank g-d she's light skinned" ..Really?! lol Please, don't spread and past down ignorance. I thought that slave mentality was dead w/ Halle, Stacey Dash, Oprah, Michelle Obama etc. People would rather they'd sit in a tub of bleach, than love themselves. Wow! I have no words for that. How can someone else love you, if you don't even LIKE your damn self?!?! I can't even sympathize.

I've been brown, all my life. When summer comes, I get darker. I don't hide from the sun, or only go out at night. I've got red undertones, and I'm proud. Black cherry cinnamon walking. I was even more appalled, by the men on the video. Black men, aren't all like that. I've been fortunate, to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated by all the black men I've met. Since I was a little girl, I was made to feel pretty. Like all girls should. I was never made to feel slighted or inferior. A cycle is a cycle, because people keep it going. Get a new focus!

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

Is Character at an all time low in 2011?

Looks like I'll have to retire from my brake, to get back to y'all. I know. How rude of me.
A friend of mine prompt this post, through a series of tweets today.

"Do you think people change? Honestly, do you?"

"I dont believe people change, I just think people reveal who they really are."
-@Twotonedc

What do you think? I believe that people can change. It's called growth. Development. You can become a better you, if you choose. Or maybe I have a faith in others, that need not exist. I guess, I'm an optimist. In regards to human nature. Anything else, is slightly depressing. I would than, have to be willing to admit some people are hopeless. That some character cores, are just that dark. Especially when coming from a man. (Not saying that his tweets were in no direct regards to other men) I would figure they're more aware of the bullshit levels. So if they lack hope.. sheeesh!

If people just "reveal who they are" ..who are you really? A liar. Un-loyal. A cheater. Immature. Spiteful. Selfish. Without an inkling of hope, to be better? Is that what it is in 2011? Yikes! Y'all must want me to be celibate. Or quit black men. (I kid.. I kid.. lol) I just choose to believe in the spirit of people. Maybe more than they do themselves. A person can mess up. Hell.. be a walking series, of let downs. But there's always a way up. There has to be. Unless they just quit on themselves. Growth can be minimal, or continuously elusive. I rather that, than the belief it doesn't even factor in.

To think that your conscience, stops you from being an awful person. Is to admit that there's a lot of awful people. I don't think I'm ready to admit, that there's a lot of fucked up individuals in this world. Than there isn't.

"We tend to have reasons not to do something, because we dont want to become who we are supposed to be." -@Twotonedc

Who are you supposed to be? A fucked up person?!?! Are you that person? When it's easier for you to lack character, heart, consideration. It's easier to be manipulative, shady and selfish. Proud of that "I don't give a damn" attitude. That's who you are? Are people really proud to be that person? I can't believe that. That would be soo depressing. Fucking scary, even. Walls would be built, too tall to climb. Kill yourself trying. I refuse to give up on the spirit of people. I rather take that statement, an think the opposite. Maybe people purposely mess up, in order to dodge being great. Because once you're there, you have something to lose. Leaving you now vulnerable. It's easier to cop out an run, than stand tall and feel. Put yourself on the line. You're probably a great man or person, if you'd allow yourself to be.

But hey.. if I'm wrong..? Than it'll be a hell of a lot easier, to filter through people. Forget three strikes. Mess up once?! It's a WRAP! Deuces. You are who you are, and you can't be trusted.